WIth His stripes

The past two weeks, I've decided to try to focus on the Savior more each day. During the sacrament prayers, I promise that I am willing to always remember Him, but I've noticed that this is often easier said than done. So, I made a commitment to let virtue garnish my thoughts more frequently. And when I say virtue, I mean the Savior. . . afterall, isn't He the supreme example of virtue? If you look at the story of the woman with the issue of blood who touches teh Savior's robe, the Savior says, "I perceive virtue has gone out of me". When you look at the footnote, it indicates that another way to say "virtue" is power. Virtue. . . the power of Jesus Christ to heal our wounds, strengthen our spirits and purify our hearts. I determined that I would spend less time in idle thought, and more time thinking of Him. To do this, I chose a scripture to memorize.

"He is despised and rejected of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief, and we hid as it were our faces from him. He was despised and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs and carried our sorrows, yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities, the chastisement of our peace was upon him, and with his stripes, we are healed."

Even now, as I type this scripture, the spirit fills my heart and testifies to my soul that it is true. The Savior truly did give His ALL for me. . . He gave His life. He understands my trials. He comprehends my sorrows. He was wounded, bruised, beaten and killed for my sins. And He truly does know how to heal every hurt and forgive every transgression and sin. He is all powerful. . . and that means He can heal EVERYTHING. . . in His time. . . and when I've learned whatever He has for me to learn.

The peace this knowledge gives me is immeasurable. The joy and amazement I feel in further recognizing the depth of His love for me is immense. I'm so grateful. Truly focusing on the Savior and remembering Him more frequently (still working on the "always" part) has saved me from temptation, calmed stressful storms of the soul, and given me expanded perspective. What a beautiful gift. I have truly experienced the promised blessing of having the Spirit with me as I've focused on the Savior. Peace and joy.

Christmas tree humor

After a very hectic and STRESSFUL first few weeks of December, I decided that I was going to put up our Christmas tree the third week (come heck or high water). Usually it is a task that is done the first week of December because I LOVE the lights on the tree. . . I think it makes the house feel warm and comfortable. The first Christmas after I moved out of my grandparents' house, they bequeathed their larger tree to me because they felt like it took too much energy to get it out of the basement, put all the decorations on it, etc. (When I was living with them, I did most of that). Last year, Amy and I could tell that the tree was struggling a little. We had a hard time getting it to be straight. I knew that this would probably be the last year with my grandpa's tree. Still, I was happy about it because it was a way to include his happy presence in our house during the holiday season. . .

As I got the tree out (past my sister's deadline of doing projects, which is 8:00. .. she doesn't like noise after 8, she just wants to relax), I tried to get it to stand in the tree stand (the stand it originally came in had broken off, and we now put the wire trunk into PVC pipe and into a stand). It looked great when I looked at the bottom, but as my eyes travelled to the top of the tree, I noticed it was leaning significantly. Hmmmmmm... So, I asked Amy for some help. I undid the clamps at the bottom and made sure the trunk was perfectly straight. I looked up and it was leaning even more. . . actually, it looked like the top third of the tree was bent to the side at about a 45 degree angle. I wish I had taken a picture, I'm not describing it very well. So, then I thought I hadn't got the trunk in just right. I asked Amy to hold the tree so it was straight at the top. When she did, I tightened the screws/clamps at the bottom and we let go of the tree. . . apparently, in order for the top to be straight, the bottom had to be almost on its side. . . which meant that as soon as we let go, the tree fell over.

To my dismay, I realized that this beautiful. . . and VERY crooked tree. . .was not going to be a part of my Christmas decor this year. I was heartbroken, not only at the fact that I couldn't put up a tree that night, but also that my grandpa's tree wasn't going to be in my house anymore. With a heavy heart, I stuffed the poor thing back into the big tree bag and prepared for the trek to the garbage thing (I must be tired, I'm having word finding issues :-). I began to cry as I hauled this large bag to the dumpster (oh, that's the word). I dragged it along the ground for several feet, then looking up, I saw a police car sitting in front of the dumpster. I passed the car and with sobs filling the air, I hefted and heaved that dead Christmas tree bag as high as I could to throw it away. At that moment, my sister came toward me and gave me a hug. I then noticed the police officer sitting in his car. . . He didn't say anything. . . but he was there watching as I sobbed into my sister's shoulder in the cold winter night after throwing away our Christmas tree.

We decided to go across the street to K-Mart to buy a new tree (and found one that is exactly the same as the one we threw away, YAY!). On the way, we imagined all kinds of scenarios about what the police officer must have been thinking as I hefted this huge bag into the dumpster with hysterical tears. . . We wondered what he did after we left :-)

(From Amy) I had been watching a marathon of Psych. A show about a fake psychic who helps police solve crimes. Murder is usuallly involved. As I hurried out to the dumpster , I watched Dawn heave a rather large bag into the dumpster and there was the police car in front of it. When I saw the policeman coming towards his car (which was right next to us) I almost wanted to hurriedly explain that it was a tree in the dumpster and not a body. I refrained from doing so in case he thought that I protested too much.

Past myspace blog "More living with Amy adventures"

November 21, 2007 - Wednesday

So, Amy and I live on the second floor, and our apartment has this fabulous balcony that she likes to sit on occasionally after work. She reads, or eats dinner or plays games on her PDA. So, one night she came home and said she was going to eat dinner and read on the balcony for a while. I noticed it was getting a little cold, so I took her a blanket. I decided that I was in need of some R and R myself, so I chose to take a VERY long, luxurious bath. It felt soo good and I was so rested. I was in the bathroom, for 1 1/2 hours, then I laid down on my bed and just relaxed (OHHHHHHHH! Speaking of a HAPPY thing. . .I got a new Intelligel bed that is FABULOUS and I've been sleeping SO much better and with lots less pain of late. I LOVE it!)

Anyway, I heard what sounded like someone knocking on a door in the apartment upstairs. It was kind of frantic knocking. I thought, "Hmm. That's kind of strange." A few minutes later, I heard the knocking again. I thought, "Wow, one of them must really need to go to the bathroom and the other is in the bathroom. . . why don't they just let them in??" It seemed like a very odd situation and I had all kinds of strange pictures running through my mind. After a few minutes, I decided I was hungry and I walked into our kitchen. Strangely enough, the TV was still on the same music channel that I had left it on two hours before. I looked out and noticed Amy wrapped in her blanket, still on the balcony. I thought, "Wow! She must really be enjoying herself out there!"

And then, suddenly, it occurred to me. I have an instinctive habit of locking the sliding glass door whenever I come into the house. I ran over to the window and saw Amy's pleading look as I checked to find that sure enough, I had locked it. And it was COLD outside. And she REALLY had to go to the bathroom. I felt SO bad. She had been knocking and knocking and knocking, but the fan had been on in the bathroom and I didn't hear her. Now, if it had been me, I probably would have been furious. But not so with Amy. . . she just found the humor in it and we laughed for an hour (after I cried and called my mom so she could console Amy, who wasn't really upset at all, but it made me feel better).

About that same time, Amy put cucumber peelings in the garbage disposal and clogged the sink. I had to play plumber that day. Then, she bought me a toaster oven for my birthday (I've started learning how to make polymer clay beads and I wanted something to bake them in that wouldn't heat up the apartment). She christened it by catching a small loaf of French bread on fire. . . truly baptism by fire. Within a week after that, I decided to do the dishes. But we were out of dishwashing detergent. Well, in my naive, innocent way, I filled the soap thing with dishsoap. I figured if it worked in the sink, it would work in the dishwasher. I was engaged in watching TV when Amy came home and she said, "Um, Dawn. . .did you use dishsoap in the dishwasher?" I looked over and to my surprise and dismay, soapsuds had FLOODED the kitchen! Baptism by soapsuds! But our kitchen floor got a good, deep cleaning! Amy thinks we have the plagues in our house because in addition to all of these things, we have random gnats flying around. We can't figure out the source. Some people would look at all of these things and think, "Oh! The stress!" But Amy is like my grandpa in many ways. . . she finds humor in EVERYTHING. We have some great pictures and we laugh a lot about the disastrous things that happen.

Past Myspace Blog "Living With Amy"

October 4, 2007 - Thursday

So, I'm really enjoying living with my sister. We have so much in common, not just attitudes and things we like, but also some funny, random "compulsions". One day, we were walking in a parking lot and Amy asked, "Dawn, do you ever have a random desire to key a car?" Now, you might think this is a funny question, but it just so happens that the week before I had passed a lovely gold Lexus at Wal-mart and had the strange sensation of wanting to know what it felt like to scratch a long line across it with my keys. . . .Of course we both know that we would never do such a thing, but how funny that we've both felt the desire (or maybe this is not uncommon and it is only funny because we voiced the desire).

Another day, we were walking into a store and there were several locked boxes in view. Several of them had keys in them. I heard her verbalize, "No! Keep walking!" I asked her what she was thinking and she said, "Did you see those keys, I wanted to grab them and hide them in some random place in the store." Another thing I know she would never do, but it was so funny to hear her say it out loud.

One day, I was commenting about these funny things and she said, "Oh, here's another one! When I was in Oregon and we were on a boat watching for whales, I had a strange compulsion to jump out of the boat!" This is funny because when I was in London on a "cruise" on the Thames river, I had a similar compulsion. The fact that the tour guide said the river was so contaminated that just being in the water would kill you stopped me. Here's what stopped Amy. She imagined several scenarios. First, she imagined being eaten by a whale. . .Now, she knows that whales don't eat humans, but they do have big mouths and what if she were just swallowed whole. . . that would not be pleasant. Second, what if she jumped out of the boat and to her dismay there was a whale right there .. . and what if the whale turned around and flipped it's tail and hit her in the head. . . and if she got hit in the head and drowned, that would be sad and she would die and everyone would be sad (and then she probably imagined her funeral. . . as everyone cried that she got hit in the head with the tail of whale).

It cracks me up! Most people may get random compulsions, but just think, "No, that's not a good idea." But Amy thinks, "No, that's not a good idea", then imagines all sorts of funny (or serious) scenarios about why it isn't a good idea. I told her she should write a book about all of these things that she thinks about. She said that would be funny and she would include in the forward that those reading the book shouldn't worry because she was undergoing psychological treatment. Then she started to talk about all the people who would read her book and the psychiatrists and psychologists who would analyze her thoughts. . . .and they would come up with a new disorder and name it after her. . . it would be called the "Amerator" Disorder and when people asked, she would say, "I have the "Amerator" disorder. . . oh, you have panic disorder. . . too bad, I wish you could have "Amerator" disorder. . .it's much funner".

She cracks me up!

DIfferences

I think Pride and Prejudice (the new one) is my sister's new favorite movie. I think she's watched it about 20 times in the past several months. Occasionally, she'll say something like, "I'm in the mood for a Victorian evening. I think I'll crosstitch this Victorian rose and watch Pride and Prejudice." And then she does. . . although I think she's only gotten about three lines of the massive crosstitch done. She has a habit of starting projects and not finishing them. It is funny because I'm quite the opposite. I love the finished product. Amy is an enjoy the process person. I'm a hurry through the process and get to the end person. It has been fun to live with her and learn from her. . I still like the finished product, but I'm trying to enjoy the process as well. . .

Another thing that we've found is that we have completely opposite taste in television, movies and books. I love chic flicks with a little adventure. I love reading LDS novels (mysteries and romances). I love shows about psychology. And when I read, I tend to analyze what I'm reading. . .think about my reaction to the characters. .. . what I would do in their place. . . find the symbolism. . . enjoy the imagery. On tv, I like shows I don't have to think about (ie Monk), or shows that I can analyze the people involved in the plots. I have this strange fascination with the shows, "Wife Swap" and "Supernanny". I think it is fascinating what happens in a system when someone else is there. I like to analyze what is happening and learn from it. My sister hates any reality show, especially "Wife Swap". She hates how they fight. She is innately a peacemaker. However, she watches shows like CSI, Without a Trace, Numbers, etc. I think it is funny that she has no problem with watching about murder and kidnapping, etc. .. . but a verbal fight is so hard for her to handle. She says that she knows that the things on those shows aren't real. . .I guess the difference between she and I is that I've seen lots of stuff both in my own life as well as in the lives of people I'm trying to help. I know those things happen and I hate watching it be glamourized for tv.

Amy also likes documentaries. . . BORING documentaries about history and science. . . Snore! Just kidding. And when she reads, she likes fantasy books that she can escape to. She doesn't analyze anything, just reads for fun. Here's an example. There's a book called, "Enna Burning". It is about a girl who learns to control fire with her mind. But she also learns that the desire to control the fire and the fire itself could become all-consuming. There are some scenes in the book where she lights people on fire because she hasn't learned to control the urge to do so. When Amy read it, she was horrified. She saw the surface and thought that lighting people on fire was terrible. When I read it, I noticed how similar Enna's struggles with fire were to many people's struggles with anger.. . and as fire can be either destructive or helpful, so can anger. You can let it control you in searching for revenge and hurting others, or you can control it. . . and use it to do good and grow. When we were discussing the book and what we both thought about it, she said, "Dawn, you think too much!" Funny.

I just think it is interesting. . .We have so much in common and so much not in common. We get along well. Her strengths and my strengths interact to compensate for each other's weaknesses. I hope that someday I can find something similar in a marriage situation.

Yesterday, just as we were getting ready to pray, Amy said, "I must be PMSing". I said, "Why, are you craving pickles?" (I was kidding. I crave pickles and cheese and chocolate. . .she just craves junk food. . .cakes, donuts, chocolate, cookies). She looked at me and said, "No. You haven't noticed that I've ripped your head off three times tonight?" I thought and thought and thought and had absolutely NO idea as to what she was talking about! She is such a gentle person. . . I told her that I couldn't even think of a time that evening when I thought she was being particulary assertive. How funny.

Gospel Gratitude

My sunday school class is awesome! I love teaching them. They struggle and learn. We have a new girl in the class who is from Russia. She has only been in the country for a few years and was baptized just over a year ago. She is still strong and on fire with learning gospel principles. Her 14 year old sister spoke in church on Easter about the Savior. At the end of her talk she said, "I want to be honest with you. I never knew what Easter was for until this year. And my dad (her mom’s new husband who is a member) taught me what it is about. I’m grateful for this knowledge." It made me think about how blessed we are to have a knowledge and understanding about the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the healing he brings into our lives. I’m so blessed.

Another past myspace blog "New Age Reading"

April 4, 2008 - Friday

I’m reading a New-Age book by a man named Miguel Ruiz. It is called, "The Four Agreements". He basically says that a lot of what we believe is based on behavioral principles. We are taught certain things and we go with it. When we accept a rule into our lives, we are basically making an agreement to follow the rule. He then proposes that many of the "rules" we live with are false. In order to change the falsehoods, we have to make 4 agreements with ourselves. One is always speak impeccably about ourselves and others (or speak kindly, without sin), the next is "never take anything personally". That’s as far as I’ve gotten into the book and I can’t remember the other two. But that was a bit of a tangent to what I actually wanted to say. In the first chapter, he talks a lot about the agreements we’ve made in our lives. He talks about how many of us hate ourselves and participate in some type of self-abuse, whether it be drugs, alcohol, excessive shopping, overeating, not taking care of our own needs, etc. Then came the sentence that hit me and has stuck with me . . .I don’t remember the exact quote, but the basic concept is this: Another person will never abuse you more than you abuse yourself. That is because we will accept abuse from another person exactly up to the point where we abuse ourselves. If they go beyond how we treat ourselves, we will step away. But as long as they don’t treat us worse than we treat ourselves, we will put up with it.

Woah! I had never thought of it that way before. And I agree with the statement. And so, I made a commitment to treat myself better. . . I need to treat myself the way I want others to treat me. . . .